A Y M A N A Y T E R

YOUNG DREAMER | TRUE BELIEVER


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Do not be in a hurry

I know, I know. I keep on saying that I’m not in a hurry to fall in love but something inside me contradicts everything that I say.

I had a chance to talk with my senior officemates about marriage during our lunch break and all I did was listen to them with awe as they try to impart their personal experiences and advices regarding this matter.

The bottomline of our conversation is, “don’t be in a hurry.” And I must say, they are right. But, I can’t take away the fact that the more I get older, the more batchmates of mine marry, the more I fear of being alone.

I know I’m still young but thinking of how fast time runs in early 20’s is indeed quite.. I don’t know (I can’t think of a word that best describes it). As I get older every year, my anxiety now exceeds the borderline.

All I know is I dream of having my own family – spouse-slash-bestfriend and children – and I am very eager to achieve it someday. And before I can attain it, I have to find myself and be better first for the “future family”.

I don’t want to be grow old alone, seriously.

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You were there

You were there and all I could do was stare at you.

I want to know your name, get to know you, be friends with you, be with you. Isn’t it ridiculous? Because I know that someone like you will never ever get interested with someone like me – me who is just this.

Call me stupid for this infatuation, believing that you are the one, daydreaming and praying that you really are the one.  No. I don’t want to “fall for you” because I know this is just another fantasy of mine.

I want to end this foolishness. I want to forget the day you held the door for me and I got conscious that you didn’t hear me thanking you. Honestly, I don’t understand why I even got guilty that day.

I haven’t seen you for days, not even your shadow. I’m afraid you’ve left and looked for other jobs, perhaps that rainy day was the last time I’ll see you. 

I hate it because you aren’t there anymore yet all I can do is still think of you.


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Every woman’s dream

They say every woman’s dream is to walk down the aisle while someone special is waiting for her on the other end near the altar. But I say every woman’s dream is to get married with someone who loves her so much that he will spend the rest of his life with her through thick and thin.

Last night was the screening of the latest fairy tale shown on national television, Zoren and Carmina Always, Forever: A Wedding Like No Other. Of course, I watched, I believe most girls, ladies, single and married women (even men) have seen it, all on front row seats. Who wouldn’t? The bride thought that it was just for a commercial without knowing that she will be married that night.

I agree to what my friend (Franz) has posted on his Facebook that, “..It was a polished version of a famous viral proposal video on youtube..”. But I think what makes it more special is the fact Carmina can now live happily ever after with her prince charming (considering her previous marriage).

I was having a conversation with my friend while watching it and if you’ll read our exchange of messages, you will notice that we were full of emotions and speechless. It was indeed a fairy tale. It made us talk about how we want to meet and marry a guy like Zoren. The type of relationship we want to be in, the kind of family we want to have. *SIGH*

Such an ideal family ❤ ❤ ❤

The wedding of the year has made every woman dream of having their own Zoren. It may not be as handsome as Zoren Legaspi (good looks is a bonus ;)), but as sweet, romantic, thoughtful, in short, “prince charming” as he is (or maybe a lot more prince charming ;)). As for the men, you can be the “Zoren” in your own way, your own way of showing love to your princesses 🙂 Ladies and gentlemen, let’s just all pray that God will give us the right partner for us 🙂

Mr. and Mrs. Legaspi, I wish you all the best and more twins? 😀 Mavy and Cassy are so cute 😀


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To the friend that I really miss

Hey there! Do you miss me? Because I really do.

We never talked like we used to ever since that conversation we had. Now, we only have: hi, hello, happy birthday, and small talks whenever we need something from each other. From brother-sister relationship, we became total strangers.

I really miss the times when we’d exchange messages from late night till dawn chatting about the girls you liked and the boys I liked, or talk about the what’s-going-on in our own homes. The instances when we’d violate “N.I.P.S.” just to sit next to each other and talk about non-sense things or simply update with the latest stories. The random phone calls and unending text quotes. Those holidays that we used to greet each other. The afternoon walks and snacks (together with friends, of course). Your out-of-nowhere yet very effective advices. Those were the four years that you were able to share everything (I believe) to me. Sadly, it all ended in that conversation, days before our graduation. I didn’t only bid goodbye to high school, but to you as well.

Did you know that I became devastated (no exaggerations) since that conversation? I really wished that I should’ve never said that. Did you know that I tried to show you that I am very happy with my new college friends and doesn’t seem to care even if you ignored me? But the truth is, I was longing for our casual talk. Did you know that I had sleepless nights and cried for you? Did you know that I became so affected to the point that I would react on class discussions when I felt the topic reminded me of you? (Well, not really react with the whole class noticing it, only my seatmate =))) The advantage of being seated in front).

We tried to forget about the conversation, and made it clear that you and I are just friends. I tried to speak with you but limited myself because I might go overboard and make you feel uneasy. We’ve met a few times after that, talked a little, but it was not the same as before. I really wanted our friendship back, but no matter how hard I try, it’s still awkward, REALLY AWKWARD. Some of my friends gave me possible reasons why things can’t go back to the way it used to be. But still, I can’t accept the idea of really losing you as a friend because you are the type that is for keeps.

That conversation is still vivid in my memory. The timing was not right, or should I say, it was never right after all. You excitedly informed me that you have already confessed to her, but instead of being happy for you, I stole the spotlight and instantly told you what I felt for you. To be honest, I envy “her” during that time because she was (and still is) the lucky girl whom you have fallen for. I really wished that I were her, the one who can make you smile. I admit, I WAS SELFISH. And also, I felt so stupid and naïve prioritizing love over friendship. If only I could turn back time, if only.

But hey, I’m not blaming you for anything. It was my action that led us to this situation. Actually I learned a lot in terms of love and friendship, in knowing myself more, and in life itself, so I’m quite thankful that this has happened.

I am just hoping that things will go back to the way it used to be (though I doubt it’ll ever happen). I really miss the guy whom I can blab about anything and give me wise advices in case I needed it. The guy I am really comfortable in asking favors with. The guy who once told me face-to-face, “masyado ka kasing mabait, kaya ka inaabuso”. The guy who was my best friend.

Just so you know that conversation tops my most regretted things ever done or said in my whole life (as of now). It took me years to finally get over you but it will take me forever to forget the things I told you in that conversation. Believe me, I am over you 🙂 Just early this year though. Hey, it’s not easy to fall out of love after loving you for eight years. I am fortunate that I was able to move on. Anyway, it disappoints me that I didn’t just lose a friend or a best friend, but I lost one of the most trusted friends I have.

I really miss you, I mean it.

BTW, I’m really glad because I can see how happy you are right now :’)

(A/N: Typo! Love The One You’re With by Emily Giffin. Thank you :D)